Not really part of the Kyle universe, but...

... a (hopefully) amusing sketch done on a rainy Sunday morning. This is the same mesh used for Kyle, but pushed and prodded in a few new directions. And obviously, a ton of post work — some pretty blatant, some pretty subtle. I suppose one could consider this a portrait of Kyle's great-to-the-tenth-power ancestor.

Encountering Alien Lifeforms (2)

Guardians should also understand that certain life forms — indeed, entire worlds — have modes of expression that we may find not only bewildering but potentially physically harmful. As such, preparation is vital. For example, the entire planet of RnHSoMu, where not only are the hills alive but so is just about everything else. Communications consist of what initially appears to be overlapping, non-stop streams of painfully loud and inordinately inane cocktail party chatter — and yet on closer inspection (assuming of course that one has not been driven completely insane), it is an extremely subtle mode of musical expression and verbal information. That which superficially sounds like a vacuous description of a "simply mad cruise we took last week" is instead a deeply considered discussion on the place of philosophy in an otherwise uncaring universe.

New Wallpaper

Click to enlarge for a 1280 x 800 version.

Encountering Alien Lifeforms

Your duties as Guardian will, of course, require you to make contact with alien lifeforms. Proceed carefully. Remember that on their world, you are the alien. Do not take this personally: they are simply applying generalizations to allow them to understand you better. Do not be offended when they comment on your hair, your clothing, or the colour of your skin. Do not be upset if they appear species-ist and make what might be construed as disparaging remarks about your sexual techniques. Such attitudes are common across the galaxy.

However, there are certain life forms that must be met with all due caution and personal safety in mind. The Chinderoos, for example, of the Faunty region — never look directly at their wide, button-like eyes. Avoid all physical contact with their plush, velour-like fur. Their terminal cuteness is their sole weapon and will turn an enemy's brain to the texture of rotting gluten-based oatmeal within seconds of first contact.

Allowances

We realize that while Guardians may be impervious to pain or injury, their uniforms are not. As such, the Galactic Guardianship permits each Guardian a certain amount for uniform replacement each year, provided of course that the replacement is due to either wear or accidential destruction.

It has come to our attention that some members of the Guardianship have abused this privilege, and we have therefore found it necessary to withhold replacement payments without submission of proof that the previous uniform was indeed made unusable, To simply say one "saw it in the window and had to have it" will no longer suffice.

At the end of the day, sidekicks should always remember...

... that you are there to watch your Guardian's back. Do your job well, and he will cover yours in return.

Emergency Situations

If you discover your craft has suddenly and abruptly run out of neutronium while going down some star-lit road of the universe, do not panic, Guardian. Simply inform you have run out of gas. You will then say that you will contact roadside assistance and that the two of you can expect a wait of a few hours. In the interim, keep your sidekick calm. Engage him (or her) in light conversation. Point out the wonders of the universe. Find ways of keeping yourselves amused — remember: help is always at hand!